A Couple Of Backward Steps To Financial Freedom
Hi! Long time no write! Since Journal Entry 5, several days have already passed! It’s been a bumpy road since the last time I wrote about my steps to financial freedom. Ugh, where do I start?
Well, I guess I’ll start with my miscalculation of the leftover funds I thought I would have. As I wrote in Journal Entry 5 (click here to read). I stated that after staying up until 3 am and going over my budget, I had a total of $1000 left over after all my bills were paid. With so much left over, I had no account of where that thousand went!
However, after a good night’s rest and recalculation, I figured out I only had $300 left after all my bills were paid. This makes way more sense because these deductions didn’t include going out, etc. If I had an extra $1000 left over after my bills were paid, I would be so ecstatic! Because I would be able to use that extra money towards my debt to pay it off faster.
I’m still working overtime since it will end soon in March. That’s why it’s been hard for me to write daily journal entries here. Oh, speaking of work, I had to go into the office on Wednesday, which is a 4-hour roundtrip commute.
My company decided to have a potluck, and I offered to bring drinks like soda and sparkling water. Unfortunately, throughout the week, I couldn’t purchase the drinks. When I got into the office Wednesday morning, I considered Instacarting it.
We had a meeting that started at 10 am. By the time I decided to InstaCart it, it was already 9 am. My total bill for drinks via InstaCart came out to $50. As soon as I clicked complete purchase, I instantly regretted it because I only wanted to spend around $20. My other co-worker also brought drinks.
I clicked cancel right away and decided to step out to purchase in person instead. The grocery store was only 15 minutes away. So I had 30 minutes to commute to and from, then another 15 minutes to purchase, and 15 minutes to settle back in and go to my meeting. Perfect! Plus, I’d be saving a lot more money.
Well, when I got to the grocery store, my items didn’t ring up on sale, and it came out to $75! I had to inform the clerk of the sale. He then stepped away to check the signs. There also was a line starting to build up behind me. 5 minutes later, he came back and confirmed that the items were on sale. My purchase now came out to $40 (basically, I only saved $10).
I go to tap my debit card (again, I’m paying cash for everything now), and it declines!!
I was so embarrassed! I’m 46 and I still don’t have my sh*t together financially. I have raised three girls on my own and made sure to provide for them as best as I could. To the point where they are all thriving college-educated self-sustaining women, even though I was a middle school drop-out. After decades of learning how to lead and care for my family, I still don’t have my finances together. I digress.
When my debit card declined, I had to use my credit card, unfortunately. I could’ve walked away without purchasing, but I had colleagues depending on me for drinks!
As soon as I got back into the office, I sold the rest of one of my investments. Oh, if you read Journal Entry 5 (you can do so here), I share where I was debating on selling them or not. I did sell it. My first investment sale was partial because I wasn’t ready to let go of it. My second sale of the same investment basically closed it out.
This was my fourth week of going negative toward the end of a pay period. Thursday, I worked (overtime too), found a handman, and prayed for Friday (which was payday) to hurry. Paying with cash for everything is quite hard for me right now, and it’s because I don’t have a budget or solid steps to financial freedom.
I found a handyman on Thumbtack. The guy I hired was able to clear my drains at a much lower price than what the other plumbing company quoted me ($580), as mentioned also in Journal Entry 5.
He charged me $75 for the rental of equipment he needed to get at Home Depot (he showed me the receipt) and $75 to put up curtains and a light fixture in my room. He also charged me $150 to drain my pipes. The total for all of this came out to $300. Much, much less than the other quote of $580. Plus, I had more things done!
Friday was supposed to be my day off, but I opted to work overtime again. I have been working overtime every day except for Wednesday since my commute felt like overtime in itself.
It’s Sunday now as I write this. I wrote a blog post on Friday, but I totally scrapped that one and started fresh.
Since I completely cashed out one of my investments, I really want to take a step back and create a budget to achieve closer steps to financial freedom. I have had the privilege of having extra money because I was able to save it. But I need to continue focusing on creating a sustainable budget so I don’t have to continue dipping into my extra funds.
This morning, I also worked on my BIR spreadsheet (learn more about BIR here). There’s this one loan I have which I really cannot stand. It feels personal to me, lol because they are charging me so much in finance fees. I want to pay this one off first. It is one of my lower debts, but the investment I sold isn’t enough to cover it, but it will cover half.
I also told my oldest daughter I would gift her $1500 towards her wedding. Her wedding has already happened, and I have yet to send her the money. And I need a car since I gave her mine. I work from home, and she doesn’t. She needs the car more than I do, which is why I didn’t have a chance to buy drinks before going to work (I borrowed my middle daughter’s car to get to work).
Her dad made promises to help her but didn’t. That guilt I mentioned in another blog post pops up and makes me feel like I need to step it up for her. I’m working on this guilt, btw. Like all things, it will take time.
I’m just feeling overwhelmed and committed to more than I can chew.
I have an upcoming trip with my oldest to Portland in February (I used my points to pay for our flights) and an upcoming trip with my girlfriends to New York in March. I’m in a place where I want to spend quality time with people I love and share experiences with them, but I also need to learn how to budget my money.
I also don’t want to deprive myself. As I wrote in another blog post, my oldest just moved back after being in China for more than 4 years. She was there during the whole pandemic, and I recently lost a very close friend to cancer. I understand that I can do things that are free around here, but honestly, it’s a different feeling when you’re traveling. I realize I do need to cut down on my traveling, though, after New York.
Like almost everything else, I will get through this and will eventually come out closer to establishing steps to financial freedom. I have no other choice. My realization came when I looked at my bills and noticed all of my minimum payments could’ve bought me a car or two! Yeah, I know.
Saturday, my girlfriends and I went for a nice long walk at one of my favorite parks. After our 5-mile walk, we decided to have dinner at a local restaurant. The bill came out to $165 amongst us 3. One of my girlfriends paid me back right away. The other didn’t. I don’t really go out to eat with her, so I forgot how her habits were in regard to splitting the bill. The girlfriend who did pay me back right away, I know she’s always good with paying me back.
All night, I kept thinking about whether or not my other girlfriend would pay me back. We were communicating back and forth when she got home safely, but I received no word from her about how much she owed me. Usually, I would blow it off, but since I’m trying to be more mindful of my money, it threw me for a loop.
I started noticing how many emotions were tied into this transaction.
I was already thinking of ways to remind her and how much time I would give her (at this point, it was less than 5 hours), how she would take my reminder, etc, whether she would get offended or not. It really became this emotional thing.
She ended up paying me back this Sunday morning (less than 24 hours had passed). Here’s what I realized: it became a psychological issue for me. I was thinking about how I might offend her if I reminded her. Why couldn’t I just take care of her portion since she has always gifted me with things? Should I even cover her cost just because she gifted me with things in the past? It literally became a mental battle for me.
When she paid me back, we were exchanging text messages about our day. I caught myself trying to look for subliminal messages of anger or offense in her texts. I felt an obligation that I should’ve just footed her bill! Why?? She’s a really great and open-minded friend. I can talk to her about anything. She’s one of my girlfriends I do feel comfortable talking to about my debt. But here I am, tying this emotional baggage to our financial transaction.
Taking a few steps back towards my steps to financial freedom has opened my eyes to the negative emotional attachment I have with money.
I used to feel bad when I would ask someone to pay me back when I loaned money to them.
There have been a couple of times when I’ve asked when I can expect to get paid back. In those times, I would get such negative responses of how impatient or greedy I was. It stuck with me. I’m realizing now that I shouldn’t allow those negative experiences to have such an impact on how I handle my hard-earned money.
I guess this is all to say that I am taking the right steps to financial freedom now. Because I am becoming more aware of the emotional attachment I have towards money. Now, I have surrounded myself with people who are responsible with their money. If I asked them to pay me back, they wouldn’t have an issue doing so, nor would they make me feel bad for asking.
Have you found yourself in uncomfortable financial situations with friends? How did you handle it? Do you notice any emotional attachment to money yourself?
Please share; I would love to hear about your financial journey and your steps to financial freedom.
As always, thanks for reading.
Love, Sutivi.
Leave a Reply