Are you in the same situation as me? You’ve always loved fashion and, for the most part, have had fun with it?
Are you now feeling a shift in your style (due to age, body changes, or other reasons of change) and trying to understand or find your personal style again during this time in your life? What once worked for you and made you feel confident is no longer cutting it.
If you, too, are feeling this way or feeling similar, keep reading as I go over how to find your personal style.
I’ve always been the one who loves dressing up. I’d create occasions and go places just to dress up. However, when the pandemic hit and I was nearing my mid-40s, I opted for comfort over fashion.
I think it’s safe to say a lot of others felt the same during that time. Sweats became the thing, and athleisure was born.
I love that athleisure became a thing. However, now that we’re in the clear of a pandemic, I seem to have lost my style.
I noticed when I’m going out, no longer am I reaching for my favorite pair of heels or jeans. Now, I’m reaching for the most comfortable pair of pants and flats or sneakers.
Sure, there’s nothing wrong with that. But somewhere between the lines, I seem to have swapped my personal style in exchange for easy and comfortable.
I live in California. Our style out here is generally laid back. You can go to a Michelin Star restaurant and sit next to a billionaire in sweats, eating a six-course meal. Although this may have been or is Bay Area culture, I never really adopted it prior to the pandemic.
I grew up in Oakland (the East Bay). My girlfriends and I loved getting dressed up. It was our way of feeling feminine in the projects.
Dressing femininely, doing my hair, and wearing makeup helped me feel more confident. I’ve been told I have masculine energy so leaning into my feminine energy makes me feel beautiful.
I’m currently craving that feminine energy again. In my blog post Summer Outfits For Women Over 40 In New York City (click here to read), I briefly share how I am trying to find my personal style again.
I thought I finally found my personal style again, being in my 40s. Quickly, I realized after attending a few events, that was not the case.
My clothes were still items I had from my 20s and 30s. If they were new pieces, they were usually bought with the eyes of my 20 or 30-year-old self in my 40s.
I’ve recently had long conversations with a couple of my friends about our personal style. How, in our 40s, nearing 50s, does our personal style need to shift for us to feel confident again?
One of the similar challenges my girlfriend and I have is trying to find our personal style that still makes us feel youthful but not like we’re trying to fight our age.
I enjoy getting older. It’s truly a gift to celebrate another year. I want to embrace that. But what does that look like? Wearing miniskirts or bodycon dresses and heels no longer makes me feel confident like once before.
Instead, it makes me feel more self-conscious and, let’s face it, uncomfortable.
I know a lot of women who still look beautiful dressing that way who are my age and older. For me, that’s not my reality anymore, or is it? And I just haven’t found the right pieces for me?
I also have had this conversation about creating a new personal style with my dear guy friend, Richard. He’s in a wonderful long-term relationship with his girlfriend. I share his relationship status because I don’t hear a lot of straight men sharing their fashion challenges or journey.
He too confided in me at one point, he was struggling with shifting his personal style to something more smart and classy as he evolved into his 50s. He and his girlfriend both live in London, which is definitely not a laid-back fashion culture like the Bay Area.
We both came up with some good points of what fashion or style should look like for us now.
How to find your personal style
Experiment And Have Fun
We’re never too old to have fun and experiment. Especially now! We’ve lived such a full life already. Don’t allow the expectations of others to stop you now.
This may feel awkward at first, but how else are we supposed to know what makes us feel confident?
If you’ve always had a piece in mind that you’ve been wanting to wear, wear it! Start small. You can wear it to a small event where you know it won’t be an all-day activity. This way, you can see how you feel when you’re in it.
Does it make you feel confident? Is it comfortable enough for you to wear again? Does it suit your figure or drown your figure? Take a moment to notice these feelings. Does it make you feel empowered?
Yes, style really isn’t just about how it looks superficially. It can also evoke either a positive visceral feeling or a negative one. It can be that deep. At least for me, it does sometimes.
Sometimes, what I like to do is wear my recently purchased clothes around my house (I work from home) before removing the tags. This way, I can see if the items are comfortable enough for me to continue wearing.
Like I mentioned earlier, I used to love dressing femininely. I would say almost two years ago, my style shifted to a more masculine style.
Not only was I into athleisure, but I was also inspired by punk and skater styles. This meant studs on my accessories and shoes, baggier pants, and darker colored clothes.
You don’t have to commit to an expensive piece when experimenting. You can find items on Poshmark first. And then commit to a better, more expensive version of it later. Check out my blog post on How to Buy on Poshmark here.
Ganni has some great pieces that are so fun!
I experimented and had fun with it. I thought, “Finally, I found my style again.” But I didn’t or haven’t yet, and still exploring. I’m still having fun with it and continuing to experiment, but along with that, here’s another thing I learned.
Combine Both Masculine And Feminine Styles
I don’t know why, but for the longest time, I thought I needed to choose between the two, masculine or feminine. That’s not true.
If you opt for a masculine print, don’t inundate yourself with all masculine accessories. Go for a more feminine bag, more delicate jewelry, and wear heels! It doesn’t have to be 5-inch heels. Look for comfortable and cute kitten heels to pair with your outfit.
Wearing a feminine print or piece? Do the opposite and go for masculine accessories, like that studded belt in your closet.
I like streetwear. I always have. As much as I loved wearing minis, bodycon dresses, and heels, it wasn’t sustainable for everyday wear.
I know this is cliché, but that’s the whole floral mini dress with leather jacket and boots thing.
Now that we’re nearing 50, maybe instead, that would look like a more tailored midi-dress from COS instead of Forever 21.
I used to be good at mixing streetwear with platforms or dresses with sneakers. I was also younger. Somehow, along the way, just because I got older, I felt like I shouldn’t be experimenting anymore.
Because at “this age,” I should know my style by now. That mindset is so dated. We’re consistently evolving as people. I’m sure my style in my 40s won’t be the same when I’m in my 70s or even 50s. Experimenting is a part of life and should never stop (as long as it’s healthy and helps us grow).
Which brings me to my next point on how to find your personal style.
Wear Tailored And Better-Fitting Pieces
Something Richard and I also discussed is how, unfortunately, clothes purchases we make are going to be more expensive now. This is mostly because we want better-fitting pieces.
Let’s face it, for me at least, it’s not as easy for me to find a smart fitting piece at a discount store anymore. At one point in my life, I could walk into TJ Maxx and grab most things and rock it.
Now, I’m finding my lower belly a little bigger, my hips a little wider, and my arms a little flabbier. I’m embracing it all. However, I want to find pieces that accentuate my cute butt, strong shoulders, and sexy cleavage (without showing too much of. the goods-personal preference because before…that’s for another blog).
I like smart style, a term mainly used in Europe. Smart style to me means tailored, upgraded, and updated. I also love flowy clothes because of comfort. COS has some really great pieces that fit the current narrative.
Most of my COS pieces were purchased from Poshmark. Check out my blog post on How to Buy on Poshmark by clicking here.
Richard also shared that he once dated a girl who had great style that would get most of her clothes tailored.
To me, spending a little more on a better-fitting piece or getting it tailored is well worth the investment now. I want my pieces to last and become staple items in my closet.
I want to reach for a piece and know that I can combine it with something else in my closet and both will fit me perfectly. This process should be curated with more thoughtful pieces.
Find Inspiration Online And Outside
Everywhere I go, I’m always looking at what people are wearing for inspiration. New York is a great place for fashion inspiration. Can’t get out here? Try Pinterest!
Pinterest has helped me so many times, from finding dinner outfits to figuring out what to wear to work. You don’t need to have the exact item, but you can use it for inspiration. Find an outfit where you have similar pieces already and put your outfit together.
For instance, if you need inspiration on casual dinner outfits, be sure to check out my blog post here. In it, I created a few flatlays to help inspire you on your outfit ideas.
I also like to follow influencers whose style I like. They too, inspire me with outfits. Although some of their pieces may not be practical. I use their outfits to get my mind going on how I can recreate the look in my own way.
Questions To Ask Yourself
Is the fit comfortable? Does it fit you well or are you consistently pulling and tugging at certain areas?
How does the material feel? Is it comfortable or is it itchy? Does it stick to your skin in hot weather? Make you sweat more? Or does it allow your skin to breathe?
Does your outfit make you feel like holding your head up high? Do you feel confident in your strut?
How do you feel physically and viscerally? Are they both in alignment?
I hope this blog post helped inspire you on your style journey! If you also have some style tips to share, be sure to leave a comment below.
Thanks for reading.
Love, Sutivi.
